The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
