Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
