He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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