are you still at the devil's house?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
