Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?