His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
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We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
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Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.