I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
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Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
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Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS