it was like eating out sand paper
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be