you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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