We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize