Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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