I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
