I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
