oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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