I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
