I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
