i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
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So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
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Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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