Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
