College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
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I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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