Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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