Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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