I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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