too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.