I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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