when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
