I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
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Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
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I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?