Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
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he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
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After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.