I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now