Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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