ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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