going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
