ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
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