Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
