If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
