i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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