It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
