If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
you had me at cake vodka
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
