I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
