if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
