is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
