dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
