And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I have already put on my inside pants.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
