All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
