We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
