You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
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Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
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also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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