break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
