did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Randomize
