He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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