Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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