addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
