bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
