i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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