I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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