Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
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its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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