If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I am one with the molecules
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize