It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
