Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
