true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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