to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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