I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
