I skipped work to stalk him.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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