i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
