No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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