Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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