dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
