walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
