watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
