...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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