i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
