I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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