Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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