I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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