i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
