the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
