i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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