Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Randomize
