"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
