she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
3pm strippers are depressing
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
