.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
