Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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