Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
