Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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