I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
