i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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