I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
