How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
