We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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