Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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